My sheets look like a crime scene.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
