i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
