My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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