i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
