Are we in a gay sports bar?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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