watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
