Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
