Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
