it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
