I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
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