yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
