Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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