haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
