Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
