Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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