It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
