I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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