Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
