then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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