soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
