I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
