Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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