Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
