Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
