just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
