Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
