I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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