We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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