I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
