Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
