You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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