After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
