I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
