so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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