Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
