Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
