Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
