things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
