Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
