Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
