wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
