I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
