you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
