Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
