You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
