im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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