That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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