You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
