Please, let me fuck your mom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
