so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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