he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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