I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
where are my eyebrows?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
