you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
