i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
