Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
