well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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