They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
