Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The ass gains better be worth it
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