I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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