If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
