Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
