I am puke
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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