This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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