This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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