it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
